Weeck ard i is

Now dis is a lesson on wrong behaviour. Born from wot, frustration anger doubt hurt.....Dam foolishness... das wot. After dis debacle started by yors truly [myself] we have been communicating & one ting I have to say is "I was seriously mistaken [wrong in dere language Bogey...put dat rope away ...don't u know hanging ma brain!...is enuff'] in saying wot I said".

It wuz born of frustration an serious pressure. There are two sides to every coin. Including myself..On the one side there are all the norms an comforts from a relationship & family love. But the massive responsibility in my view & one where I would want to be in a headspace where I could provide security. It is frightening out dere in da world...Money Money Money.

The other side is wot I have been saying for years Suan Mohk.
How do u unite the two when I need the freedom to find out?

I have been wrong in tinking I could provide some stability when I don't have the energy to cope with a LAW CASE as well as the demands of a relationship when the need to focus on ONE TING is taken away. Cos I got DISTRACTION MEMORY where I forget wot the fuck I was doing. An example today. It's pm I'm writing to the auditors, have a visit from poss' buyers & appointment at the bank for 2.30pm its 1pm. So I finnish the email let the people look at the flat an set of to my mums to seed her grass!!! On walking down I remember the bank appointment it's 2.40pm. I tink the 'appointment' .. shit forgot to take the paper with the time on with me as I left the flat. The last ting on my mind wuz gotta put lawn seed down an walk to my mums tinking it's 3.30pm-4.30pm at de bank so I still got time. Asked Min if I she knew the time as I'd told her, but nah she not sure.
Anyway I turn up at the bank at 3.30pm an hour late. The person knows me & my Liver cleansing along with memory probs plus fighting the Council...Das right Bogey dey is right behind me I'm a character not a bad person [humour me people] Anyway it all works out an I chill with some nice Persian tea.

Wot am I rambling about? Distraction memory mainly, along with the inability to finnish anyting 'bring it to a conclusion'...Why can I not finish anyting? It's in my medical notes das fact. The only way is Suan Mohk for me. Dis is where the answer could be. Yet yor ego fights puts up barriers. To stop one [myself] going deluded [good word hunny]
Den a relationship starts dat we both tried to end. To no avail cos we do love each other? I admit my mistake but it's all about 'how we perceive tings..interpret dem..wot stance we take morally'
etc.

I genuinely believe good can come from my wicked mistake born through callous disregard for whom it wuz meant. I apologise, but we learn so much like conversations I've never had!!!
Utterly fictitious conversations I'm afraid the it wuz LUCID enuff painting pictures having influence, believing. I put it aside cos I know the ground ain't there for me. Tis all cause an effect we live with & most of us cannot hold our hand up an say not guilty. Due to dis PUBLIC RELATIONSHIP persons take on the role of er scriptwriters or decision makers.
Can't really place blame when in many ways dey are right. But love best leave alone cos dat is between dem innit Bogey. A lot of people have shown genuine care in there concern for Min I thank them.

Namaste The Dude