Be Well

It seems we have come to an impasse in my relationship with to Minerva who I met last year.
Unforunately we made our affairs open to advice/influence which means as usual no matter how it seems? Tings will never work out since everything is open to comment.

I/we have found it hard being under public scrutiny & I [The Dude] am fed up with persons meddling in our affairs to the point of slander.

The whole matter reminds me of a conversation over a high stakes poker game where a famous No Limit Poker player wuz being discussed & it wuz mentioned if dat poker player heard wot wuz being said abnout him behind his back he would be upset.

Well I'm not sure whether it's worth getting upset over cos lies are lies, but one should remember maybe you here slander about another? Maybe the same person is slandering you I'm amazed @ the imaturity shown by certain people & of course the classic phrase two faced.

Wot I've failed to do is commit myself to a long term relationship. One big decision wuz not selling my flat & be willing to let go of my fight with Wandsworth Council, dis created a pot of friction which showed itself in dark behaviour. Unfortunately a lot of the blame is mine to shoulder since I/we kept the relationship going when we both should of stopped, even after accepting the fact dat my wish/dream is to stay for a period of time in a Bhuddist temple Suan Mohk...All of a sudden outside influence pushes everting beyond redemption..But we will always remain friends in my mind.

Fundamental Darkness is where I reside @ the moment, so positive action is needed as a person I find it easy to hide away rather than take part in society/relationships. So my debt to Minerva is great indeed since she is the first person I've had a relationship [other than sex] with since having to let go of Victoria over ten years ago...Das a long time, before meeting Minnie I had been celibate for three years. I practiced Celibacy to see whether I could do it 'let go' of sexual urges. After a while one sees how dominent Sex is in everyday life & felt relief @ not taking part since I do find dat women fall in love and I don't think I'm able or ready to [love] until time has been spent in a Temple in order dat I have more clarity of vision concerning wot I want to do in life.
The need to provide for yor family give dem financial security. If I wuz to take part in the outside world it would be on my terms! Cos I am disgusted with wot is happenning in the West & our policies in the East are unreal. So I would love to write sketches for #TV dat shows our behaviour for wot it is? Insane being ruled by TV i.e. u don't need friends when you've got Sky!!!
Yep! I can be quite funny when I want to be....tis a real shame we came real close to understanding each other Minnie/myself, don't want material wealth & dat is in conflict with staying here in the west innit Bogey my friend, he tinks I've screwed up big time an he is right.
Got to admit it hold my hands up 'I've really screwed up' ok Bogey 'nah' he says 'cos i still gotta do wot I gotta do' f... f... f... not funny lol

So tomoz I'm of to another N.A. meeting since I want the company of people who know where I've been etc, plus the one in Chelsea has a Theatre & I got on well with the Manager & the couple who run the coffee shop/bar. Last year dey got Air Con fitted & I have not been back.
Usual behaviour set up the links an not follow it through, shame innit?
Anyway I usually end up communicating with some one last time it happenned to be the management & I went to hear a couple of BBC Radio shows being recorded....I kno Bogey dey were crap...das why I got talking to the staff 'das not funny dis is funny' anyway enuff on dat for now.


Hepatitis C
the treatment is summin else tx from hell I call it, consequently it is real hard for many of the people doing tx to not drink especially if dat is their preffered drug. So doing dis tx [treatment]

Alcohol has to be faced @ some point, I don't know one person who has managed to do the tx without drinking, since it plays a role in the quantity of Ribavarin [aparently] prescribed with Interferon for the treatment of Hep C.

Alcohol is the NO NO topic of treatment no one dare mention they drink on tx [treatment] or they are villified. Yet SO many people do drink it is a problem dat is not mentioned.

Will go into it further ciao y'all the Dude