Truth an I live another day

Gonna excuse myself since nuffin makes sense I'm iliterate in many ways, well spoken in others
blogs are summin else 'who gets it Bogey? The world my friend weather dey wanna read it is another matter....who cares eh!
To bring my life up to date would take a long time....Yawn..lol

A year an a half ago I finnished a Liver cleansing programme, it wuz successful in cleansing the Liver but there are side effects dat will stay a long time depending on the individual.
My sides [side effects] resulted in a very bad Short Term Memory [wuz not good before Tx] The inability to focus and find a direction in life since for 5/6 years I've lived without working & am on disability benefit. Options of a job dunno with my memory lack of qualifications etc only the lowest paid jobs would be atainable.

I do own my own property with a mortgage, if sold the eqity would sound a lot but wot's money when u don't have a roof over yor head? Well I like an adventure so the thought of letting go of my physical possesions does appeal to me.

One thing dat has clouded the issue is a court case against Wandsworth Council in London. They have robbed me through presenting false material during a Tribunal case being heard & carried out when I wuz in no condition to handle the case. The outcome is I am sitting on some very sensitive papers figures! If the right people took up the cause 'so to speak' it would open a can of worms the nation would hear about...Tis tru anyway will fill in any news later.

I have been in a relationship with a mum of two for exactly one year from yesterday, she lives up north me I'm in London we both met at the right time through a very caring forum set up for people to get support on the Liver cleansing programme since it is the treatment from hell in my view.
Our relationship has been full of swings & roundabouts partly due to my not selling up & moving in to live with them since the family wanted me to stay, so it musta been confusing for the kids when the flat is not sold & I keep coming an going [staying with dem a week or two den leaving]
This left my Hunny in a black space since she openly admits her feelings for me. I am more reticent & do not want to mislead her since in recovery I need to do certain things dat has to be done alone...Nuffin carnal am talking bout spending time in a major Bhuddist Temple. This journey was always planned & meant if it was mentioned then the reply wuz "we cannot be seperated cos I can't cope with the empty space you leave behind"
No win situation there den? My way of tinking [thinking] is different to Hunnys I accept where she's coming from & respect her view. But wot good would come from staying together when we are both stug in a state of stagnation 'our resourcs are minimal' 'everyday is a challenge' we don't know wot kinda mood we're gonna wake up in etc.

Well I take full responsibility since certain actions did not happen & to a great extent I felt powerless, we both come from different backgrounds my childhood was happy, my parents were well educated & I basically have grown up without the dogma of living a nine to five existence [not knocking it no way] In having travelled out East one gets a different perspective on tings.

I have always had a good sense of humour so find mixing with people no problem. Since being shown we can forgive ourselves through Gods touch the world seems different and find humour is the best way to cope with everyday life anyway I drift....

I did some Emotional Freedom Technique yesterday and dis morning I woke up not happy since the last couple of days have been bad with me not doing certain stuff. But knew it would be better to get out of bed and do some exercise-EFT-chanting dis is at 7.30am after three hours sleep [cos trubled] It's now 10 to 10am an am hoping the weather holds so Will, myself can got to the Thai Temple bout 30/40 mins walk..Velly nice walk along common if nice weather but it does look grim.

Hunny Bunny we gotta sort ourselves out cos staying in touch is fine being friends it would be an honour after wot we have been through. My compassion distorts my head tinking we can change dis dat 'kno wot I mean hunny' you tink same way, tis funny how we lose site of wot attracts us den it all gets distorted into ultimatums and other input- advice-as we seek guidence, some kind of clarity can be very distorted. To have a public relationship invites comment fair enuff we need to let go of blame & work on wot is left....Dat is err we is still talking and want to remain friends, still a massive part of me wants to sweep her up in my arms and give her wot she wants. If it was feasible...with our present make up das not the case 'how can one commit forever with the future so blind' it is not realistic nurturing is realistic but we keep screwing up dere if it aint us it's the kids always summin das summin I have learned since being single these pressures hunny is under are new to me & my logic is 'wot problem' solutions are harder to swallow den problems reckon we get addicted to relationship problems..in fact we can feed of em toan horrible extent where the life forces around us are not in harmony. This is the word Harmony we must find harmony in all things, not obstruction denial I get the feeling friendship is attainable. We need to see? Cos I need forclosure [divorce] it does nay mean we won't be in touch I jus need to grow as a person into wot is a suitable life for me, it could be scriptwriting comedy, staying in a temple even a bit of both or summin completely different is wot I need.
One will never find out till dey try eh! Loving Kindness is the key trusting ourselves another both can be easy or hard depending on our lifestate....Namaste The Dude