The-Ides-of-Blue

The-Ides-of-blue

My very own eyes gaze so very Blue
So bright and shining right at you
Our soul wanders searching to be true
Travails full of blues; wot are we to do
Such hurt and compassion, so full of rue
Understanding is to not upset the brew
Love unconditional can be ours tis true
To isolate & abandon; put under review
Holding embracing sharing with our lives
In this; is the way a true person strives
Waiting learning an acceptance thrives
Have patience no harm is meant for thee
Build foundations, grow strong like a tree
Gaze at soft petals of light shining with glee
Radiant & cascading ligth thru sunlit branch
And background sky of purest blue
Life all around; surrounds us with hope
Surrending all with love and harmony
Now we are in the shadows that speak
My heart cries with anguish & compassion
From my eyes of deepest blue

edited by The Dude 9/1/08

it's late my feet are hot... so here I am wheeling words

To-wer-of-Be-auty

Well I gotta say 'hope no one saw dat last post' swiped from the screen after I'd had a slept an den actually edited it in the morning since realizing in my fire I'd made presumptions; which is er pretty well darn idiocy. Presuming an Assuming can make a lethal combo people. I sit in shame born from powerlessnes an ignorance based on concern. We actually have the opposite effect. Acknowledged: Dat said is time to move on I'm not even sure whether I've mentioned my long term relationship with hepatitis C [bout 20 years] Christmas day marked two years post treatment [tx] I tink?

Tis the treatment from Hell for some of us; das wot I call it anyway, doing the Hepatitis C course is basically a tour of duty one does not know if yor gonna get a cushy posting or stuck right in the thick of the action. With the effect of the Ribivarin mixed with Interferon [chemo] So if it wuz a war [an it is/can be] Reckon quite a few of us wood say 'kick ass! I'm up for dat jus point me in the right direction.' We volunteer for duty/action. Only to find some days we're in the Bunker huddled down letting de bombs drop all around 'impervious.' I used to lay on the bed with the curtains open cos one needs light; with a book open like I wuz reading NOT.
So I'm into dis idea of creating a book about coping with 'The tx from hell.' Title of book wood have to be Tour Of Duty reckon tis a good name for a good cause. People really do not kno wot there ticket holds [tx] until dey are in the thick of it about 8 hours after starting in my case. An with a dodgy legal judgment against me I wuz facing having my lease negated an losing my home within two weeks. If it wuz not for my mother kicking dads butt I woulda lost my home. Can anyone actually imagine going thru tx from hell without legal representation. An den finding an honest solicitor. Fuck when the judge ruled against me on a rule shown to him by my local council [Wandsworth Borough] solicitors which said 'if a person has not made enuff effort into finding out facts.' Well it's up to the council to provide the quite legitimate figures I've asked for & to say I'm welcome to come down to council offices & look! Look where! 'Nah tis yor job' I'm a bill payer you is paid by me etc anyway I did send auditors in [eventually] when I wuz still recovering an guess wot? Dey were refused entry! Not surprised, the law it seems does not apply to certain cases with the truth. Why? Cos it would not be conducive to have the truth come out.
The Judge said I'm to find so many thousands [triple the 4k I wuz contesting] in two weeks or lose my home. When I feinted an hit the floor he aparently made it a month. The ambulence men said 'this man should not be in court.' So yeah I had A TOUR OF DUTY still here still fighting still writing. Altho under certain conditions i would part with dis fight cos dere are better tings in life for me to do.
Namaste is namaste no matter wot we say The Dude

Merry Christmas

Denial is me when it comes down to celebrating dis year. Wot a year full of nought really.
So 'Don't talk to me I'm Koh Samuin.'
Merry Christmas & hope y'all have a good time blogging, hope I've not offended anyone with any of my comments.......If so to bad.....nah joking!

No I tink sum one erased dat piccy Bogey......Yeah Jason takes a good piccy. He might have it if I ring. Oh jus been told it's there no probs; many thanks I hang my head in shane mean shame.

Rep-lions-Roar-Zion

Be-fore-rep-lions-Zion


After the storm it is so quiet
We malign with no end in sight
Tis our lot to live in such plight
In the end it'll end up in a fight
Always losing sight of wot is right
Take anger with us into the night

Sleeping heals waking up knowing a call is the thing to do. Communicate with that person let the healing begin; with understanding and love born from sharing oneself; it's good to share BE at one with each other.
When I have tried again an again to reach an understanding.
The anger is forever present waiting hidden/contained but there. Laying in wait; you don't know when, you don't know how. But it will come; usually tis when your looking forward to speaking an BAM one puts the phone down on the table an covers ones ears. 'No' 'please don't do dis' 'please don't do dis.'
Now it's wrack n ruin listening to anger. It does not matter dat we are in the fight of our life, an need to stop self sabotaging ourselfs. Reach out an grasp/get the motivation/self respect to enter the world & create summin. 'Summin beautiful' jus like an artist; feel the need to create express yourself. So many people have told me I'm good, you to Minerva [good]
Me making people laugh by having a different perspective on life; one where you end up getting hugged by a complete stranger. Wot do dey see? The loneliness/the acceptance/the love. Caring wrung from compassion or jus being me?
This saga between Minerva an myself 'The Dude' is down to ME I initiated contact, put the hook out. Life is like going fishing 'innit.' In my view anyway, tis thru communication/actions we put our hooks out there in the world/society. What we say, wot we hear & wot we do.
We all do it take part das life innit. Communication how we interpret each other.
In Minerva I saw a very special person. The internet is a tool of communication like no other. Where we have confidence cos we're speaking in a comfortable environment. True communication can take place- or indeed the opposite, depending on one's motive, why you is fishing so to speak? But not with us!
I knew nuffin about her [Minerva] Except she wuz deep an das wot I said "you is deep."
From dat we went on a trip to Holland [fictional] and spent the weekend in Amsterdam.
It wuz good clean fun nuffin else & with Min being a single mum along with myself [single] we had the time for each other. All in all we had a lot in common; on the Health front we both having finnished a Liver cleansing programme from hell; after all we did meet on a forum set up to support people like ourselves.
Namaste

Part-eh-pie-ce

Here's a little ditty I made up & sang to ma mum/family last Sunday after she'd sung her party piece...She thought [taut] it wuz funny, said I should join her choir since I had a good voice....Wow compliments our relationship has got so much better since I dropped the anger.

There wuz a young lady from Lee

There wuz a young lady from Lee
She climbed up a bloody great tree
When she wuz up there she stripped herself bare
An screamed everyone_ come look at me
I'm standing stark naked up this tree
Then she did spy a man over there
An then went on to declare
Hey you come climb up this tree
And stand naked with meeeeeee

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

Ok people dis is where I'm at now nuffin to do with paying for anyting. Jus kept getting told all people wanna hear about is sex; well go to a porn site den eh Bogey. The ting is I ended up doing a ten day Silent Meditation Course. But before dat I wanted to check out a different culture & I will write more about life in Thailand; from dere perspective, how dey see/interpret the Farang [tourist]
Below is about a discussion group to be held next week with members from our district of the SGI [put SGI in the search engine an is the chanting people] I am the moderator for dis meeting so gonna be busy chanting an bring sum kinda order into dis year. Cos it's frightening how quickly a year goes by; an dis year shoulda been my year for setting a path to follow. It's not to late with good practice I should recoup sum lost ground namaste The Dude



Hi everyone !
Just to let you know that next Monday we will be having our final discussion meeting of the year. The title is "let's share what we have learnt from this year: What we have transformed and not, what we have achieved and not and how these experiences have impacted our relations with friends, family and the world around us. Also, what are we looking to achieve in the new year ahead."
Guy will be moderating our meeting !

Blog-gin-gin-it

Well gotta; say dis I am a member of the SGI which is a group who practise Buddhist teachings

We chant the Lotus Sutra-Nam-myoho-renge-kyo, I've just come back from chanting for an hour & den watching a talk given by the Soka Gakkai President. The practice [chanting] is unique since in effect we are our own teachers; believing the solutions are always within ourselves [Buddhists] and it's a matter of chanting with right thought-conviction. The last week has been hard knowing a year is coming to an end & wot does one [myself] have to show for it?

Since buckling down an respecting myself wonderful tings have happenned; Oh such joy for me I mess a lot of my chances up. One way or de the other, relationship with myself must come first.

Do not tink dis is easy especially after

Ch-Ch-Changes Inn-it

Okay back to normal I've had enuff of writing about my past experiences in Thailand [for now anyway] it wuz a while ago an people were telling me Sex Dude das wot people want to read.
Not forum or blogsville but a person who called demselves a proffesional blogger; das wot dey saw. Me I hit blogs @ random an I've not got thru five [Bogey says ten] yet cos the people are beautiful an fascinating. Not sure why I've not got anybodys blog ref, since das another ting you leave a message on peoples blogs to get yor blog in kinda ting. Well I'm always different, have nay a clue! An besides I dunno if I should even share some blogs cos it's there own innit.

I blog; having parted from a year long relationship with rue a bit of harmony is due this poem wuz started last night an kinda went on anon to be not a poem after the night before?

Changes

One must face the pain ch ch changes so hard to see yorself before one casts the die.
We must be careful with truth an honesty in a life so full of changes.
One must face the strain coming in from the rain helps we gotta refrain from putting our body under constant strain. Ch changes must be faced before nought be gained; tis frightening if we look about where are those Ch changes
I don't want to live in truble an pain. The lord forgives it's a gift he bears it's never to late it's never to late jus look over there. The Dude his life is full of rue there's nought else for him to do but accept what has gone is not wot is gonna a be. Tis a time to stand still & take stock of thee;

Gratitude for dose dat communicate with glee; share their life & talk with harmony. Always surprised dat wot I've done/said may have helped cos it's jus me an I kno so well the word experience. Stand still is taking stock inventory, thanking a forum whose existence is there for people to share their journey. Always dis journey no matter where we are 'right here right now' is how it works. The past is irelevent especially now a new year is dawning.

Discipline is from; Chanting Satsang Exercise Yoga Chi Qong...If my mind wonders it's so hard to keep it on track. We are talking @ least two hours tho. An it takes self motivation the choice to maybe let an action bear fruit [easier said den done] if I want to pave my way, tis the only way to keep clarity of mind & even den my expectations exceed my limit. We will always meet obstacles sometimes it's like fate has deliberately put dem our way; other obstacles tis jus our way. I've been bereft of a lot dat I say, wots said above must be done. After jus two days the world opens with new beginnings, disapointment also; never tink yor find yorself in others when alone.

Question: Know yor limit...influence

Wot the fuck das dat mean? Well I can only cope with de first question. Influence such an important word it's a question on wot we allow ourselves to be influenced by cos wot effect does dat influence have. 'Oh another gap.'

Positive; uplifting; 'puts a smile on yer face' das good. Negative; well how does one cope. The negative input; how much control do we have, is it getting about the obstacles thrown up by a badly run society. Nuffin works in the public sector [our bedrock] So we gotta cope with hoplessness-resignation and negativity pervades our psyche. Un necessary stress das one kind. The way the state fills us with terror basically...Enuff on dat I kno Bogey!

Control negativity self worth enhance our mind state. Knowledge enlightenment during a ten day silent meditation period I seemed to turn my ego off at will. The beauty tranquility of dat place can only be found in following a strict set of beliefs. Easy options have deluded me 'oh you can get away with chanting jus ten/fifteen minutes twice a day.' Now after going to dese gatherings where we share our love by chanting for an hour before anyone talks I kno easy options are bad influences delusion. Like I've had a biscuit for lunch so don't need to eat, my body has it's lunch- energy from a biscuit!

Or slander for me dis is reserved for those beliefs I bitterly oppose not people. Because in my view it is not proper behaviour, to hear Chinese whispers said about oneself is down to me even tho I've not spoken dose words. We must even take responsibility for wot we have not done/said. If delusion makes people utter falsehoods why should it bother me; if I have only spoken true? Yeah well sumtimes it's best to keep it to yor self take responsibility by not saying anyting. When we know it will cause slander all to often in an open community one will find dose dat tink different to yorself.....I entered into a relationship with a very special person 'I kno Bogey'....Thru the internet loadsa people are doing it but dis has been in front of a forum which spreads loving kindness for people dat are/going to/ have been thru. Gotta be one of the hardest programmes/cures there is for some; the leaflet actually says it in the pack.

Wuz the word I'm gonna use now Bogey? ... Yep 'but' dis word could compromise a saint. I tink the best way to put it is how do we interpret our input.and..thus our output; One ting dat the Thai people loved about me wuz how I interpreted stuff. Coss a Buddhist sees/interprets life so differently to us in the west 'no one has ever died in the name of Buddha.'

I have to accept my ignorance when you hear a person chant an den kno dat persons basic personality! Without ever speaking to dem. This is not a curse as I first thought but a blessing. It took me a while to understand/cope with it. I kno wot you gotta work on kinda ting; they is they an I am I with my flaws to. But we are both chanting thus it does not matter. The answer will come to dem when they are ready; the same as it will for me; before den is a waste of time [the answer] cos despite knowing it we are not gonna act on it. Denial strenghens our negative side. Acceptance our positive side....

So which one do we choose denial or acceptence. If summin bothers one outside of oneself we have a choice do we take the negative side or accept it & thus not let it hinder us. An example yor laying down about to have acupuncture an the building is rattling-vibrating from a drill das demolishing a block of offices behind the building. Friggin unreal; you jus gotta let go take yorself to a safe place in yor mind. The benefits in dis case Acupuncture far outweigh the negatives.

Choose to let go 'das how it is' the friggin council don't give a fuck bout the ruction of totally demolishing a building younger than those buildings around it? The vibration is gonna demolish buildings dat survived the war. Arh the need for acomadation far exceeds the need for employment dunnit HUH. An who gives a damn about the effect on workers locally.

Well drop dat taut for now cos I'm having acupuncture so I go to a safe place.

we can't live in truble we can't live in pain
To kno dat we can't really lay blame can we all go back in time das insane
People can relate to the same mind frame when we fight to stay sane

Try not to replay dis game cos we all kno our name

Tis nought but folly when all dat cometh is fame

Ch ch changes come on we know tis our game

Stand still take oneself an wrap it in love an kindness

For we live our life amongst so much strife

The lord from above sings us his song

Come unto me my child for there is no wrong

Into this life we bring our gift to belong
Acceptence part of being being our song yet we can exist so alone
Be right here now lets all start singing our song so cheerful we can belong
We don't see the world rushing us by but take fate/life on the chin
Forget anger: Oh the noise I really don't wanna make a din
Anger so prevalent it really should be made a sin
Put dat put dat right over dere 'yeah' in da bin


Cold Tired Hungry Lonely Sad Bored: Lets start with the first just eaten some pasta an veggies.
Tired: not really used to be more despondent now
Hungry: just ate
Lonely: Always but not kinda ting. There is a place I go to naturaly the Healer said same.
Sad: My whole life is pretty sad leave a talented child without guidence an dey will get up to mischive. Das me quite an adventure tho! I like to laugh nuffin wrong in dat.
Bored: Yep gimme summin get ma teeth into dat I really likem doing creating summin good. The means of communication is available now dis blog the forums, the internet; very exciting jus gotta make the connections. Sometimes I tink why is it up to me to contact people why have dey not called me. Dunno cos my mind drifts an next minute one has lost contact. Chanting does empower people, even if you get a knock back 'so what.'
Namaste

INNIT The Dude

Thirst-ti-me

Koh San Road Bankok Thailand First night in Bankok I'm sitting in dis cafe early evening chatting to dis bloke; sudenly dis 18/20 year old Thai girl appears at the table an asks me for a light Yo no prob; so she bends over an wo small an pert chest enters yor senses I give her a light an we start chatting she's with her friend & she's 500 baht... Wow I ain't got dat much on me [£6/7] pathetic So I say tomoz same time an she goes back sit with her friend. My companion den said "the girls will always go for you" "why?" "cos you got straight hair an dey can relate to you physically. I've got curly hair an pale skin so their more at home with men dat dey recognize rather than anyting out of the ordinary" I reply "oh right ok even tho I am pale at the mo' my dad is half Thai so I've got dere features with blue eyes lol." Following night we meet up quite late 9pm-ish anyway dey ask which hotel I'm at; I tell em "oh no good she say they not allow thai girl" I taut s**t not a problem I'll bribe the doormen take a Tuk Tuk not far. Anyway we arrive at the entrance an I look in & theres a whole group of em sitting down...Wo the bribes out de window no chance. So we end up walking to dis other place/hotel....No she takes me to where she an her friend sleep . An it is hot friggin hot I'm not long finnished the detox from hell [with Gods blessing] Drinking loadsa water anyway dere place is a hall which has been particularised as in loads a boxes an narrow dark passages Her place is a box in a hall an I'm supposed to get it on in da middle of dat Everyone asleep dark/quiet. She say "is ok" I say "no it ain't" I can barely see nuffin apart from anyting else no way; so we end up back on the street. Hot flustered dis is crazy [tinking gotta move hotel] We end up taking a room where the staff know is short time 'no register' an is brill. Hot Shower cable TV. Arhh nice I nip in the shower to freshen up. When I come out she is on the bed watching Waterworld on de TV. I tink ok let her watch Waterworld so we end up laying down watching the film [I kno is over 10/15 mins] Had a good time she not mind kissing cos dey don't do dat out East [kissing] An I definately wanted more but had spent wot cash I took for room etc....Bummer no credit lol... So de moral of dat story is cum [sic] prepared it takes more den jus having concoms to get laid it takes a room....dunnit....Never been up an alley I'm not keen on dat one; Peaches on de beaches ok but gotta watch the sand.....Call me old fashioned with the lights on. Back in Thailand I'd bought a train ticket for overnight ride to Koh Samui...An do I use it?
How you doing people hope life's being good.

Take care y'all namaste The Dude

Tut-Tut-or-Crash-Bang

Yeah 18/26 is young over 26 you is old in Thailand. So das ok if you look like yor in dat age group! Anyway I'm in no rush so I miss the train. Cos the Baht had been devalued I wuz nay bothered. Well it so happens dat that train came of the rails an 18 Farang [tourists] died, 36 injured. Wow! Lucky I wuz lazy woulda been on dat train plus dey put all the Farang together.
Cut to next morning on the Ko-San Road I'd jus finnished breakfast an I see dis Tut Tut roar [if one can say dat with 3 wheels] up to the door stops quick an his back wheels hit air. The driver starts listing all tings interesting [possible] to a farang Silk-Temples-money exchange-ect ect...No reaction from me. Den he says woman I look up hmm wossat?
Next minute I'm on the Tut Tut ride thru hell the air wuz foul. The highway is not used by em [tut tuts] cos dey are toll roads & I musta gone thru every market in Bangkok [wuz wondering is dis journey ever gonna end] When he turns off the road & stops outside dis building where it looked like the entrance to a club. He chats with someone an I go in; nice air con, big open room with a bar at the far end seating along the back wall, tables in the middle as well; den on the right there wuz a stage where all the woman were along with a sofa in front so you could pick yor gal. The boss is hidden an you only see him when he 'wants you to' so to speak...Uncanny the way he's in the dark. So we sit down an he tells me the price 600 Baht for half an hour. I say to him "it is half an hour" he nods, so I say Ok give him 600 Baht an he nods in the direction of de girls. Audience [Boss] I go over an start looking at the birds/ladies. Just a little intimidated cos my first visit to a brothel; an the girls did not look to eager kinda ting [can't blame em] But one woman seeing my unease gave me a smile, so I choose her an we walk round the side of the stage thru a door up these stairs to the first floor. We enter a shower an the woman washes me [checking me out aparently] Dis obviously makes one horny; den takes me into a room made up from boards jus like earlier in dat acomadation Hall; no windows but a fan, anyway I get ma extra safe Durex out an we start. Since the shower had got me horny I came early But stayed quiet [yucky] an after a little while I said "stop I want to put a new Durex on" so I withdraw an she looks down den says "oh you cum you cum" I say "yeah but we still got 20/25 minutes left" she say "no you cum you cum finnish over" my protestations fell on deaf ears, so next minute we're back in the shower [very clean dese whore houses] I'm really pissed off; so when we get downstairs I ask to talk to the boss. An tell him I'm unhappy cos taut I had 30 mins! He jus looked at me & I knew 'one had to pay again'....Hmmm so I say "if I pay another 1000 Baht [£11/12] can I have a girl for ONE HOUR constant sex"...He agrees.Dis time I'm gonna take my time on who I choose 'kno wot I mean.' So I sit down on the sofa in front of em [ladies] Light a cigarette an start eyeing em up [don't wanna be disapointed] Well none of the girls seemed to keen an I wuz not really attracted to any of em either. So I go an sit at the bar....After a while the boss appears an says "problem" I look over an nod my head in disaproval....He nods his head & den claps his hands. Next minute dis woman comes rushing thru the door with a tea towel in her hands. The boss looks at her den me an walks away.
So I look her up an down 'yeah fine' mid thirties slim get a good vibe & so we go back upstairs to the shower room. An dis time I'm in charge of de washing :wink: Lol. Ounce in the room she is happy to see the condoms come out & I put the watch by the bed saying 'ONE HOUR' she nods....Woo Hoo we got an understanding. Ounce I got going we had a lotta fun, she kept going Shh 'n' smiling cos I wuz enjoying de fact we wuz enjoying ourselfs [sure beats washing up] Anyway ounce the hour wuz up I give her some condoms for which she gratefully nodded...Shower den go back downstairs.When we entered the room all the girls turned & looked at her with 'wuz it any good in their eyes.'An she turned round bowed down on her knees an cupped her hands smiling she said "kop kun kah" [thankyou].....When I left the place did nay have a clue where I wuz but it wasn't dat far in a proper Cab cos dey used the Toll roads 8) Arh nice no train crash for me den :wink:
Not rude jus The Dude

Amid-angst

You kno write now with all my ranting; you know wot it's got me nuffin but the key to my filing cabinet gone!
Took me a couple of days cos I taut I put it somewher....But nah it's gone??? I friggin have to get up before am is over an get my ass outta the flat by 10.30am...An I jus ain't doing it! I'ts called depession/despondency or jus plane stubborn stoopidity. I've had nuffin but shite thrown at me every day 'wheres the good vibes.'

Good vibes are out there aplenty peeps [apreciate de positive vibes feedback] On Monday pm I am er some kinda referee making sure people have their say an I can't even remember the theme of the meet!!!
Now I gotta pledge to chant here now/gotta get the EFT/Yoga/Exercise positive steps....Cos dose fuckers are playing around Bogey: I ain't saying? Wot I'm cursing over it's friggin obvious if u look back innit....Innit [shrug]

Gotta chill back in a better mood gonna chant an exercise namaste The Dude

yeah to be continued an edited

We-in-tern-at-In-ter-net

Internet dating

Two people meet over the Internet & get on real well. So the girl invites him over for dinner since he lives right across town. Saturday comes an it's an 'orrible day grey an wet. So he makes his way across town for the dinner date.
The evening goes really well they get on fine loadsa communication. He is the perfect gentleman so at around 11pm he says I better head of home. She walks to the front door with him an gives him a hug an says lets get together again/stay in touch. He replies with a kiss on the lips saying let's do jus that. An heads off into the grim night.
After he's gone she runs upstairs to call her friend to let her know how great the night had been.
Just as she's about to call the doorbell goes. The dude is standing at the front door looking wet from the rain. He say's "my car won't start must be due to the weather or summin" an shrugs den says "can I sleep on the couch since I live right across town" she says "sure come on up."
They end up spending the night together an have a great time. In the morning after dey have made love they're both laying down on the bed & the girl says "what are you gonna do about your car" the dude sits up on his elbow looks over at her with a puzzled frown & den says "Wotta you talking bout I ain't got a car"???

Cop-per-Comm-Unity

Wow jus got back from the local Society meet who had the Police Commander present. Did I have a ruck or wot :twisted: Guess who wuz sitting next to me? Or rather me sitting next to him The ex Mayor an current Councilor for the high street Mad-Dan the Council man.

Oh I wuz standing up cos so angry the lady who arranged the meet wuz scared to let me speak lol
Kept my hand up long time an ounce I did speak the Officers were quite pleased or at least the Commander. Cos my beef wuz how are dey gonna do their job when the Council does not increase their budget for two years, how he had to find £60.000 in savings. So we gotta look at ourselves cos we are responsible for electing the very people who will not finance em [police] properly but still expect results ridiculous.
The twisted bonus of imposing a £60,000 saving wuz having to close the Police Station in the afternoon & at weekends. So crimes were not reported or people had to phone in get a Crime Ref No for the Insurance. But the crime not listed cos no weapon used as an example of distorting crime figures.

The main theme wuz communities etc along with the role of dese Community Support Officers bit of a joke really.
But the commander wuz doing a good job an I took notes. Some of the phrases he came out with were New Age Spin kinda tings. But wotever technologies are used friggin cameras is a good example. One ting one ting the community wants is THE BOBBY ON THE BEAT. Nuffin can beat having a Bobby on the beat [Policeman]

Den who turns up an sits next to me the MP whose career I've followed & had quite a bit of communication with her in the past. Then the President looked at Mad-Dan an said 'this is your area Councilor, shouldn't you be doing something about it.' Mad-Dans reply 'what do you want/expect me to do carry a placard up an down the high street don't break the law.' An the president said 'yes that's a good idea.' I chipped in with 'HEAR HEAR GREAT IDEA' lol luvvit dat bastard councilor is as crooked as dey get lol.
The Dude is tolerated cos I make em tolerate me. Had to promise to make the next community meet tho....Das ok Bogey the new woman in charge is quite good. But she should of had a drink of water handy plus some Tea/Coffee a few biscuits on the table for them, make it look professional 'kno wot I mean.'
Afthe meeting had finished the president I tink is President [Chairman jus received ma monthly P.Society ting] might be/is one down! Of the Putney Society said 'Guy you talk to much' my reply wuz 'I agree but wot I say makes sense.' Actually das not tru I thought dat I, could not bother to preply mean reply. If it wot I am sayibg kno wot I mean....Wuz smoking Bogey. Smoking gimme a gun, can't resist red buttons got an urge. An I make people laugh...Make myelf laugh ...Myself..you to Bogey but yors is more like a grimace lol! Sorry Bogey could nay resist. I look at one of yor previous wifes an ma jaw drops....Yeh spk ltr, wuz she bit of a goddess?
Then the President said I speak Verbal Diarrhea [mind fog] He wuz in a bad mood, had a go at someone else as well. The Commander & I passed each other & he smiled. Put down his case and spoke about the case for these Community Support Officers. How some of them went on to become Police Officers. I'm still of the opinion we still want a Bobby on the beat. Someone who has the power to arrest etc. Oh another point dat wuz crippling him was Health & Safety. Nuffin can be made so any given situation will not end up with an injury or worse, tis the nature of the job innit!
But Health an Safety are having a dam good try making up work protocols dat cripple one when it comes down to a multitude of doe's an don't...Friggin ridiculous.

Y'all have a good day lol The Dude

Dan-cing-with-Lim-bo

Sentimental: Das a good word for me now, since some of the stuff I'm putting down or want to put down is in the past. A few years ago I wuz on top the the world with a brand new start to life. I had no debts with savings dat I'd put aside just for dis moment in my life time.


Thailand wuz the first holiday I'd had in years an I spent three an a half months on Koh Samui.
So I got to know the people well & had all sorts of encounters with the good the bad & the ugly. Which make up some very funny stories & some not so funny. Since I saw both sides of life anyway I'll go into dat later. The place where they rip you off with a smile instead of a gun....Nah more like the place where you use yor gun for yorself. I'm shooting at you baby, like the English wife of Thai man said "Dude I really don't like how you treat woman Staying in the bungalow & Banging all day" I thought......Boom Boom de Boom Boom.
Das unfair I used to come out to get lunch/supper running the bike down to where the Thais ate. Buying our dinner. then said "she's paid an they do get to say no. I look after dem" den walked on down the beach.
Shit who ever it wuz dat session. The girl whispered good sex into my ear. Den proceeded to gentle pinch massage my whole body...Real nice! Can you blame me for staying in. It's all a matter of interpretation innit. She did not live on Chaweng Beach [English girl] where I had terrible truble remembering their name.
Ung Arg Ing Ping Lao the Backgammon girl who wanted to marry me [never beat me great tits tho]
Had a hot nite with her cos I did not stay on the beach we had to use her room which wuz not allowed. So the windows were shut, it wuz dark an hot phew. I could not climax, she had never climaxed [found dat out another time] So you can imagine how hot in got in dere....Sweat dripping of me...still quite enjoyed it, had a shower needed one musta been in dere ages! Or it seemed like dat.
I guess 'how wuz it for you' Hot Dark n Wet.
Used to play Backgammon with the owner. One sister ran the bar the other the restaurant/bungalows. Ghart I noticed her at the beginning whilst eyeing the girls. But she wuz coy an a bit skinny not like the other girls. Reason being she wuz the girl in charge of the till an wuz related to the sisters.....Shoulda picked her at the beginning cos she will say yes if she wants to.
I kno dis cos I asked for her after ma Hot Dark an Wet session. But she said no & das another tale my Wooing Tale. But on dat note gonna leave ya all for now. Gotta headache coming on.

Oh yeah: I won £3864 pounds from a £15 bet on the horses. A pound Yankee four horse bet of cross doubles/trebles an a four timer. Plus %10 bonus, of which three races were photo finishes & the last race w'three horses in de photo=3. An-on arriving in Thailand the Baht had just been devalued so I wuz getting everyting for half price....Ya Hoo shoulda seen the size of the prawns on the Koh San road. Das the beginning of my adventure gotta tell y'all bout the Rickshaw driver who wuz gonna convince me I wanna him take me somewhere? Took him a while but it wuz 10-10.30am!

Too-Bee-Conti-Ued

We-Are- Love

No need to push
We Lament our life
Together it used to be

Not wot I wanna write but it's all got so outta site tis our plight
Where is our love
Not wot I wanna say but we can't stay together & can't stay apart
Where is our love
We say try just friends but there is so much more we end up fighting
Where is our love
When we speak it turns into wot it wuz before losing our footing
Where is our love
We is arguing an even worse strong emotions come to the fore
Where is our love
What can we do one has gotta stop the blaming an hurting
Where is our love
Wondering will it never end the pain of loss come true in losing you
Where is our love
We gotta treasure our time together cos it won't come round again
Where is our love
Our hands of time stand still we could not make it last & now it's in the past
Where is our love
We must keep on moving proving that it wuz the best thing to do for both me & you
Where is our love
Being friends just tricks us into believing there is hope in there being a home
Where is our love
What we have are two rings mine is on my finger now
Memories are ours to desire

To understand The Dude one must listen to wot I say
It is chaos in a never ending way
But help me focus I'll win every day
In order to stay the Media is the only pay
Cos I love making people smile an play
To show you some comedy is to stay

The Dude

Buzz-No-Fly

Yeah sorry people I forget bout [about] terms an am a real lazy writer Mozzies [Mosquitoes] Carriers of orrible tings [Horrible things] Get bit Den [then] gi [he] go down!....Sorry could not resist lol.

The Resistence the Reality the Realisation the Reply and the Response....Not

Back to today well I'm a touting an a shouting on a matter one we should all know...My personal Bug Bear [unresolved matters] Should give dem [them] Papers a good kick up the arse by doing it myself. Cos I'm seriously tinking bout it. Fuck em I'll get the publicity.
Shit forgot to mention how many local figures I kno...Bogey says: write it somewhere else den copy paste...
Write it sum where else Bogey....Wot are u going on about? somewhere else is way to complicated.
I can copy paste/edit from ear [hear] Anyway I have no German ancestry but I do have blue eyes.
So dat makes me superior...According to the Krauts & a recent study [hogwash]
Ciao y'all namaste The Dude

The Beach laid bare

Just seen it again the film with wots his name...Picasso? Anyway the place [beach] Is just like Anjuna Beach in Goa during the 70's u could build a hut an live on the beach no problem. People did people did.
Anjuna used to have a community of travelers often staying for months at a time. It wuz a beautiful place, beach blue sea & I never saw a Shark! Mozzies did not like the salt in the sea air so stayed away from the beach...Luvly.
Every Full Moon & Sunday people would have a beach party this American had built a stage with a sound system. The locals would sell beer tea coffee cakes etc u sat on mats laid out either side of the stage. I used to sleep outside under a palm tree rather than sleep inside barrack style lol. I don't tink anyone snored but dis is quite a story as it goes.... Anyway gonna tell y'all another time dis is about the film The Beach with Leanord di Caprio [tanks Bogey]
Right it gets FRIGGIN HOT for 4 to 6 months of the year an it ain't no picnic. The rain comes down for 3-4 days an u is stuck. Drives people little crazy an the heat before the rains. So HOT man u gotta be insane to stay thru dat voluntary like. I woulda thought one could be in a better place if given a choice..
I'm being Sarcastic [sarkey] An in Thailand the Mozzies are about. I would have thought apart from Tampons/Batteries people woulda asked for Tiger Balm an Incense.
Anyway I found a quiet beach on Koh Samui 20/30 minutes bike ride from Chaweng.
But went thru shite staying in Lamai then stuck on a beach in Kho Pang yang where the hut wuz expensive with no where else free. Lucky in one way not in another since I'd palled up with dis German Journalist an we had a lotta fun having Social Experiments i.e. We would go into a shop bargain summin down to the minimum price, pay for it then leave without the article. We laughed on dat one [in reality we'd forgotten it] but he suffered from Tinnitus an there wuz nowhere to dance at night I didn't drink. Even spent a night on the beach cos no room at the Inn lol..Beautiful night the clouds were incredible but 6.30am rise an I'm not sixteen an it's not Anjuna.
There is a Beach from Ko Pang Yang but it's for ex Junkies ex life had enuff people. How do I know dis [possibly]
During this visit to Thailand I had not left England for many years & was only two months clean from a twenty year habit. So I was just a little white [a lot] An I had bad skin discoloration around my feet an calf's. With blotches from dose moments you miss? Know wot I mean? A Tattoo dat says Junkie lol. The situation where I found out about it goes like dis...Since hitting the Island of Koh Samui all I'd found wuz madness. So I'm sitting in the back of a Songtau [open jeep]..With these two girls on my right [plus people on the other side] I look over an one of these young girls [the snobby one] is looking at my legs with a look of like 'revoltion' her friend wuz not so judgemental...Anyway I say to her "you didn't go through it" whilst saying don't judge with my eyes. It wuz a good reply when the Songtau stopped we're getting our stuff of the roof an I say to dis American guy "I'm jus looking for some space to chill" an he replies "I know exactly wot u mean" an then describes how to get to dis beach where yor left alone jus like it used to be on Anjuna before my sojourn into addiction.
Yeah wanna cop out Koh Pang Yang is a start. At the time of the Full Moon Party a boat arrives...Das all I'm saying.....
Bogey: I bought some T Shirts from the Tourist Police saying 'Full Moon Tourist Police' on the back the same as they wear according to them [Tourist Police] Never went to a Full Moon Party. To old an loads of stories bout people getting grief over a joint! Fuck dat.
Yeah beach life can be a lotta fun.

Loves Rap Tour

I wanted to write a poem bout love. Not just a play on words...Oh well das swell....Innit

Where did it all go so wrong
When we were so full of song
Holy rapture is where we belonged
Thinking nothing could stop us singing our song
Our love would hold off any wrong
After the love is gone one is empty of heart
And stale of song after the love is gone
Should we feel empty an wronged
Now can we stay strong
Let the tears flow on an on
Till we heal an reveal one can still fly high
Alone with our love is to fly like a dove
Whom we can see flying high flying high
Under gods wing is knowing all can sing
If their hearts are true
Still so much love to imbue
Someone's always waiting for you
In a sky so beautiful clear an blue
I lay my heart open to receive
Gods love an warmth reprieve

Dedicated to Minerva [Hunny Bunny]

The Dude

Bat Till of Wandle Bur Rah

Never in a conflict have I felt so alone. Quote by Winsom Mortify 3rd Age of Wisdom Capitals Conflict 2007

Support thru peoples stories at Panel Meetings have not been taken up by myself why? I did not have this report dat say's so much, was not able mentally to handle it I am on Disability Allowance. Dat does not mean I'm an idiot. But wot it does do/mean is make sure u remind him/me about a meeting cos he/I will get sidetracked an miss em [meetings wotever]
So back to the report....Dis will be added to later
'oh nuffins proven except a whole lotta discrepancy's were not cleaed up' Why not? I jus paid for a lotta discrepancies basically then!......Wow tanks a lot. So u saying it wuz not yor job to chase information up? Well in yor defense you were stopped physically by Mr Ray Mathur of Wandsworth Town Hall saying "under the Freedom of Imformation Act we cannot show you what other Lessees Lease percentage is"....Mumbo Jumbo....NOT to follow.......

Cut to:
So das it basically. I contest the validity of the Act [FoIA] In this case it does not apply. How can one do an accurate audit without accurate percentages cos dat makes up the total!.....Innit....mean Dunnit....Dunnit one would have thought so Bogey.

Read get gag-ged it

I am in a fight over my lease % being to high. Over three times the true cost in fact
Council Leases WBC refer beblow Poot Poot Phut Phut over to space control cyber


Just picked up the Audit on my contributions along wit everyone else in the street dat has a relevant lease.

The auditors asked me to sign a receipt saying 'It is presented for your information only and is not for circulation to any third party without our express written authority'. ????

Expain peas?....Well sir it is not a finished audit we had to calculate the lease percentages by their GRV [Gross Rateable Value] Given to us by the Council. The Council would not-has not provided the information [dare I say Spreadshits] My Solicitors did not make the Council reveal the relevant Doc's.

I wuz SICK dey were paid [Off mor like] My Solicitors stab me in the back. Ashfords say to WBC we can get rid of The Dude aka Guy [solicitors google, notice lotta local gov' PFI's. Like school das not built when the kids turn up] All over 4k dey said take me on. an it worked out very beneficially to dem a well....Must be over £200,000 by now their costs. An I ain't finished, wheres d value in dat.

So I sign on the premise no figures will be represented without their permission. Making the facts clear concerning WBC {Wandsworth Borough Council] Had not provided any true figures or relevant figures since dey cannot say whether tru or not without using their own accountancy methods with the figures not provided ???...........I signed mad shoulda called my solicitor but thought u can't stop me it's gotta come out in a proper audit, not dis shite. Wot dis shite shows is the need for a proper audit dat I paid for! But did not get....ARH burt I mean Bogey...I new dis tho. My dropping of copies of their stuff at the Supermarkets Bank & anywhere else I ish to show it...LOL.....Oh the emails throw dem about ok! Das very good of you sir. I will Iwill I will I'm tinking I'm tinking...Nam-myoho-renge-kyo Nam-myoho-rnge-kyo Nam-myoho-renge-kyo Piizt Peezt Peace

Namaste The Dude

Rock in de Bog Sys Amic

Ripples of communication dat unite...
Better cos sumtimes I get such a fright
When wot it creates turns into disunite
Then all it does is re ignite our common plight
Stop take sight...
Re align use the site
Das better now we can reunite
I'm sure das right
Did we really need to bite
Even end up having a fight
No take stock lets all shine bright
Thus can we travel on into the light

Nam-myoho-renge-kyo
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo
Nam-myoho-renge-kyo

Peace
Peace
Peace

The Dude

Save Her! Macca is hopping or is it hoping?

Macca Tills discorce???


Fuming Heather Tills accused Macca,65, of failing to protect her from critics. She said : "He knew I was at suicide point but did nothing"

On being asked wot woz Ms Tills going on about. Macca said "She was contemplating suicide points". When asked wot happenned?

Macca replied " I started hopping over to Heathers. The Paparazi asked why I wuz Hopping? This upset me since to me it was obvious. I wuz being SYMPATICO! Which means u try living on one leg".

Macca was den aided by the paparazi arm in arm shoulder to shoulder one person tinking 'Wot a story' the other one tinking 'Wot a wanker' and de other 'I am wot I am I'm playing dis for all it's worth'. Hopping an Hoping to reach Ms Tills in time.
A witness described Macca as 'legging it Sympatico' ounce he got to her house.

Ms Tills was found balancing on a Footstool with a rope around he kneck [but not attached to the ceiling] 'stumping up abuse' whilst making rude signs to Macca den saying "I've been dancing on TV so fuck you I'm legless". Macca replied "you've really stuck yor foot in it dis time. I wanna sue those dance teachers". Then went on "hire yor own bodyguards I'm not enabling you to get yor leg over on me again". Ms Tills replied "you heartless bastard we is gonna come toe to toe in court". Macca den replied "I can do more then put my best foot forward". "Now stop Hanckling me" sic.

Macca's daughter commented typical "Toe in Cheek" behaviour we expect from Ms Tills in trying to find common ground "she's obviously stumped".

Edited by The Dude

Tis Loose Zion Anon

It keeps turning the big wheel o life. I lie to tink one day I'll be free. Progress soo slow, I'm on my own but dat don't mean nuffin to me.

Where is my report? Audit preliminary...Call it wot u want! Dey have the money to pay em. But NO we is keeping yor 6k [rounded] Shoulda paid direct to the auditors especially when I'm told my solicitors, despite billing me for 30 hours work 'have NOT seen the report'. Lies musta seen summin cos I have got six pages of friggin Dynamite QUESTIONS not ANSWERED?
When the solicitors initiated court proceedings. Dey did not follow thru 'nah' dropped dere bill by 4k more like but the action revealed wot I'd said [part of case] Still gotta point dat will really rock the boat....Their boat, making my lfe HELL thru out the whole of my TX with blood results the consultant dare not share with my GP. White cell count of 7seven 'don't want anyone going below ten'. In an ideal world, let em suffer no procrit no help jus the bare minimum Inteferon/Ribivain, the rest is up to me/you anyone. I wuz within two weeks of having my HOME repossessed when I could barely walk.

Yeah spreadsheets lets see em den. Cos I KNOW wot kinda crap Wandsworth put out! To another Accountant tis dribble! Cos if it ain't den it PROVES MY CASE. NOW GIMME MY REPORT PLEASE. YOU UTTERLY INCOMPETENT FOOLS [solicitors]

I AIN'T FINNISHED

Ok Monday cos the solicitors ain't letting the funds go??? BIG WORRY dey jus moved office is dat good or bad. Where dey moved right opposite S.Kensington Station, funny used to know a guy who worked at a Persan rug shop in de station. Upstairs, dey were rubbish or e wuz. Every fing uz complicated 'no easy transaction/sale' left 'im alone with his rugs....Lol nice guy tho.
Sorry if I've upset anyone.....Dis is the pressure when one is trying to finnish summin. An dey CONSPIRE OVER FOOLISH PROTOCOLS OF SELF IMPORTANCE. WHEE KNOW DEY R IDIOTS....BUT DEY R GETTING PAID?

Hair cut mighthelp in a small way! Bogey nuffin else? Yor right, ok gonna shower an 'ava debate round the Coffee table namaste The Dude

Con tempt elate

Contemplation....Good Bad or Jus is I dunno. It seems when one looks back or takes a view from outside u see stuf different. Or recognize old behaviour wot triggers it etc. In trying to overcome my inability to finnish anyting I'm still blind... Personel suff/distraction lack of understanding or feeling dat way. As in who understands me when I don't understand myself....Dangerous ground, especially if one feels tyed down to protocols they are not capable of fulfilling.

A year has near enuff passed, my flat shoulda been vacated an right now I'm not here. But I am it's taken dis long to get my shit tgether an it's still not over. Dis is seriously giving me contemplation. Now I have the information needed but it still takes an enormous amount of effort to invoke?

The sun is shining I need my sunshine. Took a few minutes in one of those Tan Machines felt good.

Fear less but more

Jus been watching Fearless on TV an it reminded me of one of the times I came face to face with death. The first due to a head injury & I was in a coma for ten days [not 14 as said in an earlier post] Well I wuz out gone sumwher in my coma. The Dr the family used to interpret the tests said 'don't move him cos he will die'. So I layed in the hospital bed which was run by Nuns, having prayers said over me daily along with being spoon fed Porridge bless em.

Anyway we fight against odds defying an injury dat should have killed one? Don't ask me I wuz out for the count. But I tink our spirit/will to live & the fact I wuz 18 is wot helped pull me through.

Atkinson Morley a specialist head injury hospital wanted me to go back in after leaving my local hospital for a couple of weeks. I realise now why I should of gone back in since dey might have sussed out more about the head injury. After a period of healing had taken place. Why do we defy odds an survive? Cos by the book many people should not be here. Maybe we have summin to do before we die...Who knows?

For go ten STM

words/tauts spin around in yor brain mundane, go to the train step lightly don't let ones thought go to deep.
Cos right now das not wot u wanna reap

Bogey I have respect for the man. He uses words so well, he's balanced u can tell! I'm drifting.

We trawl thru lifs happennings treading blindly. Pretty well every other day summin bad would come my way.

Just a text nuffin! But full of anger saying 'no more', dis is so usual I hear it not and so best discard cos tis now, not tomoz. Yes tomorrow will be ok. But these texts dey do contrive.
Effect yor mind assail yor thoughts thru just a crack they settle.

Lifes thoughts can be mind dominoes.....An topple wot dey will. It certainly does not enable life to 'ave any frill..mean thrill. Things move so fast due to crucial decisions made with bad timing due to moodal consquences for the crack has leaked an in it gets wth the influence it wreaks .
Consequences I should play no role in. Upsetan hurt I've played in. Am I puppet? Possible lets try an be aware certain strings we not dare. cos of the havoc datlay there.

All I can say is I'm sorry but the hurt can stick. We all know dis, so thus come one enrage dis gauge no rage? Let the past fly in the wind not settle on our minds cos den we're in truble an downed with lifes rubble.

Stand up I say got important stuff to achieve dis is how we stand. My labor given free, not prattling on at thee [public] not personal.
Lol
Gotta go spk soon The Dude

Ominater bet a later 'ate a rater

When I switch from one side of being the other side suffers. missed an SGI mens meeting cos I thought Chelsea were playing...Dey Were...But I can't get Sky 1 so missed meeting for nuffin. Chanted on my own An so I would not have been here to communicate. How much train wrecks do we need to make. Where did all the good people go? Led me astray so now we all pay.
Sitting down feeling the debris. You wake me up with no cohesion, trouble with dis an dat. Bad news, always no resolution.

Lose touch got to much to lose. They are all good people but don't involve in others ways. You interrupt a friendly conversation. Where did all the good people go...We got heeps an heeps the peeps the peeps I'll entertain a friendly nation. But not with dis or dat.

I know wot a friendly liason can do where it might lead. Always the other side of the road yet we gotta know we gotta believe the other side is the same as dis side. In the end....Hunny side I talk I stay till I can do no more. But deep down she know I believe I care I seen we shared wot only WE can share. To interrupt when tiss plane for all to see 'we're in the bath' an don't call back.

It's not nice but we are responsible for wot we say an wot we do or not do as the case may be.
Many a time dis happen to me. Wot I do I leave em alone. Wait util the moment changes cos now dere ain't no communication. For one tis 'ard stay on top when not in control...Being undermined....I do enuff undermining myself.....Missed a Men's Chapter meeting an paid big time. Sorry regrettable mistaken possibly [pushed an pushed not left alone] But the world is out there we must grasp wotever we can. How do we escape such folly....Go with the positive ones. Stay in touch with reality my battle is here now, 'no complacency' gonna take part in society with my zip closed Bogeys laughing.. Tis tru I don't have the balls right now to do dat anyway Dis gone far enuff stops right now back to neighborhood meetings. Tis only way stay focused reset the Respecter Ominator It's in da red......Phew......Gotta lotta Ominator people out there.
Meet a person dey do not talk but use an Ominator an body languge....Tink of the fun.
The Dude

My S pace

Wot do I say? Such haste in indictment is not good. To extract wot is best left alone & retort brings one shame. Never have I come across such delusion myself included, some people are to quick with involving demselves in other persons affairs [my affairs] To decide wot is right wot is wrong.
These persons deny their own folly & I do not want to be included, already boundaries have been crossed. I know wot is tru concerning myself an wot I have not done?....Enuff sorry people you'll have to take wot I say in a broad context.

Tonight I dwell on the loss of my/our son Spencer. He died a healthy six month baby inside his mothers womb, due to the fact my woman wuz married to dis guy she met at University. She did not love him dey got married so she would not have pay University fees. Dis is in America so dey get married an since she was doing a PHD dat meant dey were together a long time.
An she stayed with him [he loved her] after she got her PHD. So her family say when u having kids? Putting pressure on her since she was 32/33 so she has a daughter, the delivery wuz a mess. The Dr say's it would take a miracle for her to get pregnant again due to the scarring in he Uterus {I think]

Three years after she as born an eighteen years after we broke up [in th UK] Her father was chief engineer for the Glaxo Kline centre up round Northolt way. So she came to e UK to spend a month with her parents & left a message at my dads office Oh wos de pointcannay even write dis without it screwing up. Anyway I'm sorry I did all I could from here. Knowing themiddle of the Rocky Mountains wuz a bad place to move why am I tinking of u! Cos everyone seems to be getting preggy round here, an responsibility has gone out the window hmm 'goodbye my son'
The Dude

Lear way

So cleared the way for my report [audit] I really gotta copy post the two pages I do have which kinda sums tings up. Left a copy at the bank to show em why I need the money. They looked at it reading the first two paragraphs. why don't u make a photo copy I said. She handed the copy to a workmate, to do exactly dat cool. Went in today about needing a new Pin an the lady wuz real nice, it feels good to have people behind you on issues dat are important to me.Feels weird to tink real soon summin is gonna come to a conclusion. The flat selling for a good price exacting revenge on the Council for making my life a misery since starting tx in June 05. Yeah Nam-myoho-renge-kyo das some chant...Sutra rather.

After saying all dat I'm real bored. Had a laugh after reading 'my balls don't work' should copy paste the reply. It all comes down to howling dunnit Bogey? It takes a lot out of you making love like I do especially at 49 years old. I can make it special if one practices Tao Sex Bogey?'....not a clue..huh ok. Anyway it's when you concentrate on giving the woman pleasure not yorself. Which means I don't get a howl! But it's nice to give a woman dat much pleasure.

I bet dat last paragraph gonna give me some flak. But due to low self esteem an scared of commitments my bed has not been shared by many woman at all in the last 10/12 years not since Victoria in fact. So Hunny Bun is special she achieved what so many others could not [remember home alone]

Anyway dat needs to wait I gotta get to Thailand before Christmas. On more ting I have to do above all else. The Ego fights to stay here in the carnal world full of desire. Das fine if I can cope but right now I'm no good to anyone.

The news wot a laugh 'cash for honours' the copper say's 'I wuz told Blair would resign if he was interviewed'?? In dat case why did he not interview him str8 away eh! Lol but it does not make us tink it was a proper outcome jus a white wash. Like all the other stuff Bogey...Yeah wish it wuz a film too you'd sort em out eh my friend.

So the beat goes on gotta find summin jus remembered...Oh I hate searching for wot I cannot find arh...doing it all the time, so many piles of stuff to go through & end up distracted so I forget wot I'm looking for. Yeah later Bogey dunno why she interfered in our life but Hunny Buns been real good she don't want bad words said & I agree. The damage is enuff to cope with especially now the festivals over.

Namaste The Dude

Tings ca only get betterr

I go down to the water to dwell an think beautiful people. So much wrong from right. Found tru love to, want those to shine in the light. Van Morrison says it all really 'knocking with his heart'

Talking of Church Bells I'm down as reserve help on the Saturday Cromwell Talks. Since it was at this church...cannay remember the name Bogey...All Saints possible. Where Cromwell made the constitution before marching on Parliament. So I'm a reserve helper for the bar or summin. Dey must know me cos I've got no time either...'wicked' & it means I get to move about with purpose...Yeah 'Porpoise Bogey'...Wot u reckon Hunny wear ma couture black trousers with Black slip ons. With the orange hooded top with CRIMINAL sewn in white across the chest. Cos das gotta big central pocket for stuff like gum etc. Wot u reckon? Means I can go out have a smoke. See if I'm the one with the least grey hair outta the volunteers lol.

The Putney Society have an invite to see Cromwell at the odeon starring Richard Harris.Alec Guiness & Robert Morley so William can use dat ticket, should be a good film..Maybe I should do some homework. Cromwell Road is maybe down to the Parliament walk/ride. Am writing a bit spazzy cos the keyboard is suddenly rubbish....Whence no mistakes. I wonder if I should try an group the posts according to summin?...Bogeys looking....possible possible have to check it out. He says. Most probably end up sticking a bullet in everyting lol...Wot post? Dat post! Eh when did I say dat?

Got a new pair of glasses today. Only took me three days to pick em up cos I thought they were gonna look naff, being NHS ones [paid nought] But Boots did ok dey look fine, quite happy with em. Everyting looks real sharp especially since I've only worn my Snooker glasses to watch TV for the last year. Dis pair are half a size stronger an Wo dunno whether I want to see dat clear blimey. When u take em off it takes a while to refocus an see like I have for the past couple of years. Yeah I can remember saying 'these are to strong' and 'can't ever remember seeing dat clear'. About a year ago, so I never bothered getting a pair. Thought I'll trust the misty bit...aura way of seeing tings lol Frustrating with the buses tho. you got good eyes Hunny.

Ok nein I mean nine o-clock an I forgot to check summin out for a mate NUTS ...Don't start Bogey....Anyway u never reminded me. Ok will have to check out putting de Thai stuff in a folder cos it would go well on film ciao an hugs
The Dude

ps did I mention made it to the Solicitors dey got a river of blood...Stoopid cos if dey had a brain dey coulda charged £34,000 instead of my £3400 Wandsworth woulda had to pay. Das write Bogey 'de men in Trenchcoats with dyed black hair' Oh 'I'm a Freemason an I don't care. With my long black coat and my died black hair' Yep u name em I'll shame em...Who's dat!

Wandsworth reef un d thousands

Ok of to bed now tomoz Solicitors £5,800 don't reckon I can pay it in one go, so have to make maybe two/three visits.
Then acupuncture, check summin out at the DJ store for a mate.
PM is tomoz cos I'm knackered....Nah joking aside I've gotta do some leafletting for a prospective MP. Got an angle to fight one of the lowest Council taxes in the country Civic Pride yep das wot it costs low council tax Civic Pide. Dirty streets, closed librarys & special needs places closed along with all the hospitals. The whole borough has only one...One hospital if dey close Bolingbrook. Which dey will. An dat is a small hospital specialised or summin I think.
Gimme dat report THE COUNCIL CANNOT GIVE A FORMULA DAT MATCHES THE PERCENTAGE ON THEIR LEASES....WHICH MEANS WOT SHOULD COME OUT AS 3.33% ON THE LEASE ACCORDING TO THEIR FORMULA COMES OUT AS 3.44% & EVEN WORSE 3.46%. THIS PERCENTAGE MEANS FOR EVERY £1000 CHARGED THE LESSEE PAYS AN EXTRA £50/60. THESE LEASES STARTED AROUND THE YEAR 2000.
The implications? Work it out for yorself.....A lotta money been taken folks. Now it's my turn to keep dem awake at night, innit Bogey? Yeah I hope so......The Dude Rackin the rude

Dust can fly not settle on yor wing

It's not a matter of when push comes to shove. One must fly with the wings of a Dove [peace...thnx Bogey] These invitations got to see it to know...Problems are like dust in the wind cos inside it's loving kindness & it's ever present everywhere....Das warm love

Seen some hard times it's gonna be 'ard nose the highway eh Bogey!..We draw some fine lines...Tis a tip toe two step down the alley of choice. Who is any good to anyone incomplete, if u gotta go further up the road...Do it. Only then can one return having mastered demselves...Because das where ones gotta be.

This saga coming to an end means....Relief, 'a new beginning'. I'm not closing all doors to who I know/relationships. But one needs space to consolidate oneself.

Suan Mohk is an experience dat I must take further. In saying dat I intend to have some fun here writing before I go 'tis my place' who's Frank Bogey? No I mean the blog! Thailand is a place where one needs to look after oneself on a lotta tings. So I would like to write about my experiences there. The way tings work their philosophy, outlook & attitude to the Farang [foreigner]

So many stories to tell quench yor thirst people...Cranberry will do thnx Bogey. First ting to know the beer out there is shite...Orrible full of chemicals, Carlsburg was the best of the ordinary beer on offer. But if yor young healthy I guess u don't realise how bad it is. For me an occasional JD [Jack Daniels] on Ice. If u drink at the same bar dey will want u to start a tab, if u agree the benefits are larger drinks if u order summin like JD but u will pay for a couple [drinks] dat u did not order! So the choice is yors.
Another way is to pay but leave a tip dat gets u a bit extra plus service with a smile.

Anyway I did not drink my tipple wuz Lemon Soda no ice...Toilet water...exactly Bogey but a J helped it taste non urinal lol. Gotta be discreet tho I remember one time parking up by the side of the road. Before the buildings started on the run up to the road leading to Chaweng Beach.
Anyway wuz sitting in the bike engine idle having a quiet puff, an dis half back four wheeler sudenly pull in an stops 'right in front of me?' In the back wuz four five drunk mean looking geezers [men] looking at me! I'd heard about vigilante groups stopping the Farang an intimidating dem outta money. If dey caught u doing summin like I wuz....Anyway I ain't paying em 'nuffin' friggin cheek. So I finnish the J off, crush it in my fingers an thow it in the grass..geddit lol.
Anyway I start the bike up an go round em...look in my side view mirror see em behind. So I turn left instead of right zoom off see an empty Garage forecourt across the road in the shade, quickly cut across an hide myself in the shadows. See the four wheeler go past an den jusmade my way back to Chaweng. I wuz furious 'dare interupt me'...Gotta go upstairs neighbor has invited me for dinner nice talk ltr namaste The Dude

How-ling-woof

I should check on previous entries [blog] Apologies for da wickedness concerning rings. On having time to tink on it I remember going to sleep with words like closed & door plus forever- possibly even? I Dunno but it meant me as a person fighting to get summin finnished. It did not help & I've woken up the next day which wuz a complete screw up with me being stubborn. So then the evenning goes same way. Nuffin I do can componsate enuff to let me get on with tings like the Council ruck....let alone the sale of the flat. Numerous other stuff EFT Chanting. I've got a meeting tonight it's the whole district, so it's one I'll enjoy Jimmy is doing the talk an he's a musician I've known since joining the SGI. The last time we met was at the Brunel University Weekend. Which I thorouhly enjoyed, he wrote a line down dat I'd said about relationships, then said "thats a wicked line for a song" so maybe I will get my way with words and write songs since I do luv singing an dancing. Home alone used to be my saying when I went out clubbing! Mad utterly mad....Meant I had a great time tho...No agenda ladies lets dance...Yeah Bogey to expensive as well. Gutless das me I'd pay for sex cos then u knew where u stood. Hunny Bun was different she is a special person.
Nothing beats a womans Ire nuffin, anger is meant to be dis or dat? Fair enuff. But no man can say they do not feel good having someone close to you. Snugging up after making love, the warmth. It has meant change back down here [Landan] but one has to forget those luxuries for the moment cos dey ain't gonna mean a lot if dis stuff with the home an council is not sorted.
The Council people responsible know about my invalidity, so reckon he can't get the help. So lets do wot we like!....An day have culminating in the fact 'they cannot hide their own figures'. Even when they try by creating their own invoices. The council would not recognise/contact my auditors for two weeks. In dat time dey were making up their own invoices working on fictional lease %'s. The bill must have come to well over a hundred an fifty thousand pounds. Defending the undefendable basically from a bookmakers view anyway. These Freemasons....Talk about delusion.
I want to party with the keyboard not apologise or harp on about dis or dat. My role is to put a smile on yer face namaste The Dude

Weeck ard i is

Now dis is a lesson on wrong behaviour. Born from wot, frustration anger doubt hurt.....Dam foolishness... das wot. After dis debacle started by yors truly [myself] we have been communicating & one ting I have to say is "I was seriously mistaken [wrong in dere language Bogey...put dat rope away ...don't u know hanging ma brain!...is enuff'] in saying wot I said".

It wuz born of frustration an serious pressure. There are two sides to every coin. Including myself..On the one side there are all the norms an comforts from a relationship & family love. But the massive responsibility in my view & one where I would want to be in a headspace where I could provide security. It is frightening out dere in da world...Money Money Money.

The other side is wot I have been saying for years Suan Mohk.
How do u unite the two when I need the freedom to find out?

I have been wrong in tinking I could provide some stability when I don't have the energy to cope with a LAW CASE as well as the demands of a relationship when the need to focus on ONE TING is taken away. Cos I got DISTRACTION MEMORY where I forget wot the fuck I was doing. An example today. It's pm I'm writing to the auditors, have a visit from poss' buyers & appointment at the bank for 2.30pm its 1pm. So I finnish the email let the people look at the flat an set of to my mums to seed her grass!!! On walking down I remember the bank appointment it's 2.40pm. I tink the 'appointment' .. shit forgot to take the paper with the time on with me as I left the flat. The last ting on my mind wuz gotta put lawn seed down an walk to my mums tinking it's 3.30pm-4.30pm at de bank so I still got time. Asked Min if I she knew the time as I'd told her, but nah she not sure.
Anyway I turn up at the bank at 3.30pm an hour late. The person knows me & my Liver cleansing along with memory probs plus fighting the Council...Das right Bogey dey is right behind me I'm a character not a bad person [humour me people] Anyway it all works out an I chill with some nice Persian tea.

Wot am I rambling about? Distraction memory mainly, along with the inability to finnish anyting 'bring it to a conclusion'...Why can I not finish anyting? It's in my medical notes das fact. The only way is Suan Mohk for me. Dis is where the answer could be. Yet yor ego fights puts up barriers. To stop one [myself] going deluded [good word hunny]
Den a relationship starts dat we both tried to end. To no avail cos we do love each other? I admit my mistake but it's all about 'how we perceive tings..interpret dem..wot stance we take morally'
etc.

I genuinely believe good can come from my wicked mistake born through callous disregard for whom it wuz meant. I apologise, but we learn so much like conversations I've never had!!!
Utterly fictitious conversations I'm afraid the it wuz LUCID enuff painting pictures having influence, believing. I put it aside cos I know the ground ain't there for me. Tis all cause an effect we live with & most of us cannot hold our hand up an say not guilty. Due to dis PUBLIC RELATIONSHIP persons take on the role of er scriptwriters or decision makers.
Can't really place blame when in many ways dey are right. But love best leave alone cos dat is between dem innit Bogey. A lot of people have shown genuine care in there concern for Min I thank them.

Namaste The Dude

Zig-nifi-cation

It don't matter if dis is never read Bogey.....Black will do!

My time on dis planet in dis form/lifestyle,being trapped in the West is gonna end soon. I shall for the purpose of making sense copy paste numerous posts bout ma problem with 'everyting in dis society especially local government & relationships'. Bogey says 'don't keep yor fingers crossed'...das good Bogey constructive sarcasm!

Anyway my timetable for my life is not on track, by now my flat shoulda been sold my furniture/possession's up north [Scotland] Then onward out East for the end of the Rainy Season. But das not the case.

Who is us is whoo
Commitment born from obligation won't work. My idea of happiness deals with the moment 'here now in the present moment' not going beyond the immediate future, since the foundation is not there to take the relationship further. I need guidance & for someone as nihilistic as myself dat guidance can only come from an enlightened person in an enlightened place being a temple in Thailand..Yep Bogey suan Mohk.
Who would have guessed...I shoulda known...A relationship born in the public domain stays in the public domain. To have private interference from such people who do not truly know me, due to their misguided notions of right/wrong really screwed our chance of finding a balance. If left alone I know a lot of good could have come about from our relationship. I have never said anyting other than I must go to Thailand but does dat mean we aint allowed to spend time together with no good coming from it?
Well the damaging influence has meant I have tried to re balance our relationship. But it has not worked out that way, I do care for my hunny bun to the extent of getting engaged which was a massive mistake since it was to early. Only after we had both made massive changes in our lifestyle, giving the relationship discipline so to speak. We were coping with keeping it here & now, but NO it's not normal so keep away from him...N0t gonna stoop to slander besides the chance has gone it's to late past the time I shoulda been outta here [England] Seeking some meaning to my life, since I have no children no job no income it has meant my life has stagnated & I'm not happy. In fact I'm really quite a sad soul on seeing so much suffering around me in my travels & at home. Much of this suffering was excepted as karma but the West has a different view.

Hunny bun gave me her love & it felt good to share ones life with someone else cos one has shared the word commitment crops up I've tried to cope with our different moods but suffering short term memory loss & not having the freedom to concentrate on one ting at a time has meant escapism creeps in.
Well deluded we are an deluded we stay until one can let go of delusion none of us will be truly happy.

I know wot could be created if the discipline was there to apply myself constructively in making my ideas work...Now is the time to step up to the plate an be counted I'm now forty nine. In dat time a lot of wisdom & knowledge has been accumulated but to no effect. Which is very frustrating. A massive part of me would love to live in Edinburgh but not on benefit I know on selling ma flat there would be enuff funds to buy a home there, but dats de problem I don't want possessions, material wealth does not interest me so wot would one do with the money gained from my ideas? Give it to charity & take enuff for a good life for myself & any family. But dat ain't gonna happen right now, maybe never. People pleasing is a lethal thing to do, I actually thought I could make a difference to someones life improving their standard of living along with their familys. It does feel good to be wanted accepted, looked up to have someone look at you with love in their eyes a love I can never live up to without each of us willing to change our poison into wine..

Forgetting dat in the public domain I'm breaking the rules 'how could you stay with someone only to leave at a later date?'
The nihilist does not follow 'norms' at the same time I'm not a bad person due to not accepting societies steadfast relationship etiquette. If left alone we would of benefited from our relationship but now it's jus full of zealous behaviour & I'm gonna be de baddie...Fair enuff I accept it did not work out. One forgets other people can put a spanner in the works apart from our own nihilistic tendencies. It saddens me dat when I leave de country Hunny bun will most probably say she don't want my stuff.

Why are we so often selfish in how we interpret love? I remember hearing a poem when I wuz fifteen saying 'if to love you is to leave you then so it shall be' those words have haunted me [for a person with low self esteem] The ability to let go can also have a reverse effect...Bogey asking me why I could not let go of my ruck with Wandsworth Council...Dunno Bogey maybe summin to do with the fact I know to much about the Councils evil thirty year plan!

Anyway dis saga has to end soon. Deep down I'm nuffin but an adventurer & yearn for the days of old when I would live with other cultures feeling right at home.
My grandfather was Thai grandmother English & when I visited Thailand I knew dis had been my home in a previous life, another thing is I also know summin incredibly sad had also happened in dat previous life. Maybe das why I will stand up for causes I believe in. But all to often letting dem down when it comes to crunch time unfortunately anyway enuff for now namaste

The Dude

To court or not to court

The Dude [myself] has been involved with my local council Wandsworth in a fight over how much money dey collect on any given bill. Since I am a Council Lessee I've realised wot the lease percentage [.3%] means in real terms this is the amount lessees pay towards their Service Charges/Major Works bills.
Well people the amount in my view [calculations] means I am paying three pounds for every one pound spent! Which is extreme since by law one is not allowed to make a profit from these charges. It has meant dat for a while I paid nuffin to the Council since dey did not want dis news to get out! Fine up until a couple of years ago den dey saw how ill I was at an Area Panel meeting. I am/wuz a chairperson of an acredited Residents Association whence the Area Panel meeting which are held every three months.
Well dey decided on seeing how ill I was [will explain why I was sick at a later date] Dat [that] dis [this] would be a good time to take me on [dey were right] and decided to take me to court for the monies owed to dem.
It worked out very badly for me since with the local court behind the Council the judge found in Wandsworths favour on his own initiative!!! Dat means he found in Wandsworths favour without any representation by me basically...Anyway it all comes down to me having to pay the monies owed plus thousands in costs after I was misrepresented by numerous solicitors. I had to take the case to the Leasehold Valuation Tribunal who rushed me through despite the fact I was recovering from a Chemotherapy treatment anyway the long an short of it all is dat the Tribunal
found in Wandsworth Boroughs favour even tho I was not present??? Yeah work dat one out!!!
Case ref no LON/00BJ/LIS/2006/0034-put dat reference number in the Tribunals website an one will see my case. Well it meant I had to prove my case about wot the lease percentage meant in real terms, so I employ a firm of Auditors to prove my case....Wot happens is the auditors were refused access to the Councils records under the Freedom of Information Act?? Impossible and illegal. So my solicitor allows Wandsworth to provide the figures to the auditors! It meant dey were given totals with no breakdown, figures paid by lessees but with no flat number or block number dey refused to even acknowledge any communication by my auditors for two weeks!! The auditors were forced to use the same accounting method as the Council which is archaic and meant dat the auditors would arrive at the figures Wandsworth wanted them to since the only way to work out the figures was by using their accounting method???
It all boils down to me being in possesion of false lease percentages provided by the Council to the Tribunal along with a whole lot more, yet I cannay do nought cos no one will back me since the Council are run by a bunch of Freemasons [in my view] So I need to find some honest people who will back me...An dat is no easy task believe me. Well now I am in the unenviable position of having to fight the costs incurred in fighting my corner.
The Law Society say it is up to me to take the solicitors to court if I believe dey have misrepresented me. More money an how am I to know whether the solicitors representing me will not do the same [misrepresent me] Anyway one small victory is the Law Society on looking at the charges I'm being asked to pay £8,500 got it reduced to £3,500 inc VAT but I still have to pay the auditors another £2,000 [already paid £3,000] plus VAT 17.5% on the £5,000.
Well I thought okay pay the solicitors since then [den] I can get to see this audit report which I have never completely seen yet am expected to pay for???
So I say will I get to see the Audit report before being expected to pay their bill [auditors] An the reply is no that will be withheld until I pay the bill!!!.......Well fuck them is all I can say. One is expected to pay for something one has never seen? Nah don't think so somehow this case raises more questions then it answers in my view.
So the fight goes on an on an on which is really draining for someone on Invalidity Benefit due to memory problems fatigue etc.
At least dis is down in my blog for the world to see.....HELP ME SOMEONE OUT THERE
Do you care about the fact people are in real hardship paying these ridiculous bills. If yor not intimidated by Freemasons [like me] Then speak to me cos I've got a complete package here dat should be headline news. Hell I've even written in my Will that all monies raised by the sale of my flat are to be spent in looking at my dispute with Wandsworth Council London. One might tink dats a bit extreme but I've had documents go missing found myself being watched, had my telephone tapped [anyone can do it just ask a PI] So the fight goes on I will refuse the deal given to me from the Law Society which means it will go to a higher authority to be assessed which will take three months. Das good it gives me time to get my act together an drum up some support/allies cos anyone who has a grudge against Wandsworth Borough or can see wot is happenning in the borough [hospitals closed services cut to the needy etc] Talk to me basically
okay people had my rant for now. All I can say is I've gotta be insane namaste y'all.
The Dude

One of my old jokes

A group of guys visiting the Zoo one day & they decide to do a dare. Whoever draws the short straw has to streak past the animal cages, so they draw straws & the loser streaks past the Lion cage stops & shakes his hips the male Lion roars he then goes to the Elephant cage where two Elephants are standing in a pool watching life goe by, he stands in front of the cage & shakes his hips at them then he hears a Warden shout OY so he runs off chased by the Warden after they have gone one of the Elephants puts his trunk into the water & then sprays the water over his back then he turns to his mate & says 'how the hell does he manage to wash himself with that'

Enable tilt

You know I stood my ground den let poison pass between thy lips
does one give up so easy or resign dem selves to the fact 'it's not me but dem dat need to stand thier ground' who can impose rules on anyone else? Ha but we gotta help give moral support not enablement. Does age mature us or mean we grasp for escape in being able to cope. Since life has gone beyond oneself into a unit as such [family] So seperate units being a unit is a family sounds exciting as a child. But expectations needs most & boundaries must endure in keeping expectations attainable. Could make some dough cos u know I like Edinburgh soo much the people etc, reckon could buy up there easy yep real nice place. Creative as well magic innit dey need some Chillispice in dere life [via Siam]

why are we wot we are not supposed to be
or being summin we're not when we are wot we come to be
from wot to end in wot- did he say den?

End up running always running soon the end is in sight an the path begins
whose path...das not for me to say Bogey....is it The Dude

Fest-alities

Edinburgh festival Having a ball wathching the acts stand tall sum dey pad out so as to last the time slot, but dey were very good my favourites were the two Gaelic bands as Minnie has said all along "dunno wot I'm missing" Pipes an drumming in Kilts brilliant. Lotta hand clapping, Bogey liked the Oriental stuff reminded him of a film [aparently] The guy with the String instrument looked like my dad good reason to not leave a tip eh! Got into the festival straight after meeting Min @ the station & ate well.Saw an Aussie 54lb comedian Sammy J but he wuz a warmer to Jerry Sadovitz the next day rather evening. Where we were spotted by a friend of mins & met up afterwards, so 'velly good night' her friend had just got engaged so left em alone for half an hour So more ltr [or maybe less] The Dude

No Womban no cry

I'm in the Green Mangoe Club in Koh Samui Thailand an dis katoi [boy/girl] walks past an gives me the ounce over. Well best not be impolite so I do the same, she was ok quite attracted to her [in a mad way since already had the pleasure...sorry experiance] Anyway she say to me "you very atracted to me, I kno you wanna f**k me" I replied "yes your right but not interested" she looked at me an said "I have womb" "I have womb" hmm so den I said "well no womb for me" she say "yes womb for you" hmm to womb or not to womb? Ma pocket had womb [600 baht= less den £10]....... mighta made womb cos de womb is ..... anyone who has been with Katoi will kno wot dat word is ....., people pay extra cos of dat word 'womb all about it' lol Bogey but K wuz only person I had womb for ....She got through all my flavoured condoms in one go [several packets] she wuz happy 'high on flavornoids'. Afterwards I said to her which flavor did u like the most she said "all of dem" Bogey I'm gonna write a book bout travelling in de best possible taste of course.

This happenned a long time ago in another Galaxy far far away from the planet I now live on "not" shuddup Bogey typical "u jus don't know me at all, I'm calling to make a better day"
Yor right bout my grammer tho! Namaste The Dude

Truth an I live another day

Gonna excuse myself since nuffin makes sense I'm iliterate in many ways, well spoken in others
blogs are summin else 'who gets it Bogey? The world my friend weather dey wanna read it is another matter....who cares eh!
To bring my life up to date would take a long time....Yawn..lol

A year an a half ago I finnished a Liver cleansing programme, it wuz successful in cleansing the Liver but there are side effects dat will stay a long time depending on the individual.
My sides [side effects] resulted in a very bad Short Term Memory [wuz not good before Tx] The inability to focus and find a direction in life since for 5/6 years I've lived without working & am on disability benefit. Options of a job dunno with my memory lack of qualifications etc only the lowest paid jobs would be atainable.

I do own my own property with a mortgage, if sold the eqity would sound a lot but wot's money when u don't have a roof over yor head? Well I like an adventure so the thought of letting go of my physical possesions does appeal to me.

One thing dat has clouded the issue is a court case against Wandsworth Council in London. They have robbed me through presenting false material during a Tribunal case being heard & carried out when I wuz in no condition to handle the case. The outcome is I am sitting on some very sensitive papers figures! If the right people took up the cause 'so to speak' it would open a can of worms the nation would hear about...Tis tru anyway will fill in any news later.

I have been in a relationship with a mum of two for exactly one year from yesterday, she lives up north me I'm in London we both met at the right time through a very caring forum set up for people to get support on the Liver cleansing programme since it is the treatment from hell in my view.
Our relationship has been full of swings & roundabouts partly due to my not selling up & moving in to live with them since the family wanted me to stay, so it musta been confusing for the kids when the flat is not sold & I keep coming an going [staying with dem a week or two den leaving]
This left my Hunny in a black space since she openly admits her feelings for me. I am more reticent & do not want to mislead her since in recovery I need to do certain things dat has to be done alone...Nuffin carnal am talking bout spending time in a major Bhuddist Temple. This journey was always planned & meant if it was mentioned then the reply wuz "we cannot be seperated cos I can't cope with the empty space you leave behind"
No win situation there den? My way of tinking [thinking] is different to Hunnys I accept where she's coming from & respect her view. But wot good would come from staying together when we are both stug in a state of stagnation 'our resourcs are minimal' 'everyday is a challenge' we don't know wot kinda mood we're gonna wake up in etc.

Well I take full responsibility since certain actions did not happen & to a great extent I felt powerless, we both come from different backgrounds my childhood was happy, my parents were well educated & I basically have grown up without the dogma of living a nine to five existence [not knocking it no way] In having travelled out East one gets a different perspective on tings.

I have always had a good sense of humour so find mixing with people no problem. Since being shown we can forgive ourselves through Gods touch the world seems different and find humour is the best way to cope with everyday life anyway I drift....

I did some Emotional Freedom Technique yesterday and dis morning I woke up not happy since the last couple of days have been bad with me not doing certain stuff. But knew it would be better to get out of bed and do some exercise-EFT-chanting dis is at 7.30am after three hours sleep [cos trubled] It's now 10 to 10am an am hoping the weather holds so Will, myself can got to the Thai Temple bout 30/40 mins walk..Velly nice walk along common if nice weather but it does look grim.

Hunny Bunny we gotta sort ourselves out cos staying in touch is fine being friends it would be an honour after wot we have been through. My compassion distorts my head tinking we can change dis dat 'kno wot I mean hunny' you tink same way, tis funny how we lose site of wot attracts us den it all gets distorted into ultimatums and other input- advice-as we seek guidence, some kind of clarity can be very distorted. To have a public relationship invites comment fair enuff we need to let go of blame & work on wot is left....Dat is err we is still talking and want to remain friends, still a massive part of me wants to sweep her up in my arms and give her wot she wants. If it was feasible...with our present make up das not the case 'how can one commit forever with the future so blind' it is not realistic nurturing is realistic but we keep screwing up dere if it aint us it's the kids always summin das summin I have learned since being single these pressures hunny is under are new to me & my logic is 'wot problem' solutions are harder to swallow den problems reckon we get addicted to relationship problems..in fact we can feed of em toan horrible extent where the life forces around us are not in harmony. This is the word Harmony we must find harmony in all things, not obstruction denial I get the feeling friendship is attainable. We need to see? Cos I need forclosure [divorce] it does nay mean we won't be in touch I jus need to grow as a person into wot is a suitable life for me, it could be scriptwriting comedy, staying in a temple even a bit of both or summin completely different is wot I need.
One will never find out till dey try eh! Loving Kindness is the key trusting ourselves another both can be easy or hard depending on our lifestate....Namaste The Dude